Showing that fear of mediocrity can make the world a better place.

Available for a limited time. Act Now

  • Do people make fun of your bloated code?
  • Do you wish your business process could run a transaction in under a day?
  • Are you tired of your servers wheezing under the extra weight of unused and under-performing code?
  • Are your users tired of it taking years to get something in front of them?

Well then it’s time to sign up for Enterprise Code Fat Camp. Our team of process trainers and expert code fitness gurus will whip your development into shape. It’s easy and our strategic plan provides the steps you need to regain code health and longevity. We can help you blast your quad-cores and target those unsightly deployments. Our rigorous scientific approach to your code health gets results where other methods fail. Keep reading to find out how we can help you.

Simple steps

No more carbs

The evidence is in. Carbs are killing your code and clogging your development pipeline. The first step is eliminating the buffet of spaghetti code on which you are currently living. In this step we teach you about different programming methods like functional and object-oriented. You learn that abstractions and encapsulation can be even more filling than copy-pasta. You also learn that hiding business logic in the database is only hurting you and that it leads to cavities and an anemic domain. You learn that clean and fit code is a breeze to maintain and you can focus on harder problems – finding shoes to match your new UI wardrobe.

Exercise

TDD, BDD and others join in to teach the basics of exercising your code. We teach you the importance of exercise and we will show you how to write the correct amount of testing so you don’t over-exert yourself and end up spend all day exercising. If you have ever wondered what the pro’s secret is to sculpted algorithms and lighting fast release schedules we have your answer. It’s proven that TDD done right results in better design and boosts your defect immune system. You’ll run paces around your friend when he catches the latest bug going around.

Get out and enjoy life more

The natural state for your code is to run free with the users joyfully using it. When your code is trapped in the development life-cycle it never has a chance to enjoy itself or for your users to use it. Through our patented build/test/release strategy we teach you how to let go of the endless battles and JUST RELEASE IT! Your new shapely code is all dressed up and practically begging to go for a night out and it’s up to you to open the door. What’s the point of writing all that beautiful code if you don’t show it off. We teach you to streamline and shape your deployment so it’s practically fully automated. We promise the change will be so dramatic that your friends and co-workers will wonder how you ever deployed before.

Need more?

You get all this and more. We also teach you how to politely decline those troublesome second-helpings. Late scope changes and feature creep do more than cause an upset development cycle. They also send bad code directly to your thighs. We will teach you how to avoid creating your own problems by avoiding dangerous desserts. You know those sweet morsels full of preservatives that you invented to solve a common problem like the whipped home-grown data access layer, fudge and toffee in-house logging and other common dessert treats? We can help you overcome the urge to splurge on those decadent and expensive treats by showing you a broad range of alternative and healthy treats that will not only save you money but they will also cut the fat directly from your developers.

Act now

If you are ready to get serious about your code and are willing to commit to our strategic plan then contact us and get ready to become a lean, mean, product deploying team. Contact Spike at Enterprise Code Fat Camp to start your code weight-loss journey.

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